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Jo Carlowe (25/11/2009 16:32:25)

You’ve got what?!!!

rose.jpgThis week saw a man charged with serial rape and assaults on elderly people in south-east London.

The man was arrested as part of an operation to catch: "The Night Stalker" - a name, like so many in the history of serial attackers, that sounds exciting and powerful – other examples being the Monster of Mirmichi, The Beast of Montmatre and The Fox.

Far better, you’d have thought, to use a moniker that fits the crime – something that reflects the so-called Night Stalker’s level of dysfunction and cowardliness. "The Slug of South London" perhaps – something, in other words that has none of the cachet of his current nickname.

But as it is, we humans are quite coy about being too descriptive about unpleasant things – it’s not just our criminals that we name inappropriately but also our diseases.

For example, a survey a while back by the Terrence Higgins Trust, found that one in ten men thinks Chlamydia is a flower.

And who can blame them for their ignorance because actually Chlamydia does indeed sound like something aesthetically pleasing with a charming scent.

Chlamydia is not the only misnamed disease. Candida, I would venture could be a pretty name for a girl, a heart murmur sounds as though it ought to be comforting like the purr of a cat, and if you try saying: "I have Huntington’s Chorea" in a posh voice it sounds like a mark of distinction, like a peerage.
Of course I’m not the only one that has notice these things.

A growing movement of Internet-users has developed with the agenda of recycling medical names and putting them to "better" use.

There is an online forum called: "Medical conditions that would also make great names for your pet monkey" (seriously, there is) and another called: Medical conditions that would make awesome band names’ – popular suggestions include: "The Clap", "Spastic Colon" and "Halitosis".

My personal favourite, however, is "Ectodermal dysplasia" which the writer suggests would make a great name for a "super experimental German electronic group".

I can scarcely wait for their debut release.

Author

Jo Carlowe

Jo Carlowe is a freelance journalist specialising in health and psychology. She writes for national newspapers including The Times, The Daily Mail, and The Observer and for specialist medical journals, health websites and women's magazines. When not working, she is a self-confessed scrabble nerd, a reluctant runner (one who is still waiting for that elusive runners' high) and a lover of live music, fine food and single malt whisky. She lives in London with her four-year-old son and seven-year-old daughter.
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